What's there to live for?
by DurararaLovah
Summary: Izaya is in a insane asylum and can't remember what happened in his past. Eventual shizaya
1. Confused

I hope you enjoy this :) I'm not that good at writing stories like this. Sorry if my lettering shape gets weird I don't know how to do this right. **bold = the person izaya is trying to remember that killed his sisters **

It was all a blur.

I sat there, on the floor. My hands where stuck behind my back. I looked around at the unfamiliar place. Where am I? The room was white, everything was white. I was even wearing a big white gown to go with it. I probably look like a ghost right now. Fear washed over me next. Is there anyone here? Am I going to be stuck like this forever? I stretched our my legs, I felt like I haven't moved in days, and my eyelids where heavy.

"Good morning Izaya, or should I say afternoon, it's already one o clock." I looked up at the unfamiliar voice. A dark haired lady with her hair up in a bun, and a lab coat on spoke to me. I didn't reply. She stared at me for a couple of seconds before leaving, and the door clicked again as a familiar face appeared. "Hello, izaya. How are you feeling?" I blinked. Shinra? "...Shinra?" I questioned. "Yes izaya?" ... I paused. "Where am I?" Silenced answered me, and then he replied. "You're in a mental asylum. Do you remember what happened?" He questioned me. "No...I don't, I just want my arm untied. I need to stretch."

"I'm sorry izaya, I can't do that until I feel you are ready to be let out." I blinked. "Why wouldn't I be ready? Why am I here? What happened?" I moved my arms against the bonds weakly. "Izaya, your sisters are dead. Someone killed them, we don't know who it is. You have been hurt. Now you're hurting yourself and other around you. I won't tell you what exactly happened, ill let your memory catch up with you." I blinked in shock and stared at the floor. Dead? How? I don't even remember. "You have been given drugs so you can calm down maybe you'll remember what exactly happened when they wear off." I nodded slowly. "So..?" He smiled at me. "Izaya what's the last thing you Remember from work? Any strange people?" I chuckled darkly at this question. "They're all strange, shinra.." "I know, but.." The doctor paused as someone called his name. "Ill be back soon izaya." He showed me a bright smile and walked out.

I hummed to myself. This was so boring. But how can they be dead? Why can't I remember? I'm stronger than this. **No you're not, izaya**. I blinked and looked around. Who was that? I saw a dark figure standing near the door way. "Who...?-" You don't remember me? I flinched as the figure got closer and closer. **You really are messed up. Even after all I did to you and your sisters you manage to forget me? I'm sad now**. I looked up at the figure with fearful eyes as I tried to remember who it was. "Please just tell me who you are..I can't remember..I can't...-"

**You really are pathetic.**


	2. A shoulder to cry on

**Hey guys I really like fanfictions like this so I will be updating this story more. :) Warning: There probably will be spelling mistakes, and characters are really OOC. If u don't know what the bold lettering means please read the first chapter. **

Pathetic? Izaya orihara is not pathetic. I kept replaying that word in my mind. It seemed so unfamiliar to me. I didn't even hear the door click open as shinra came into my room, he's been gone for ten minutes I think."Pathetic...pathetic..." I mumbled. "Izaya? Izaya, what's wrong?" I heard him question me, and I caught myself. I haven't realized I've been mumbling the word "pathetic" this whole time. "Nothing shinra, I'm fine. Just talking to myself." Wow. I really did sound crazy. "Hm, okay. I know this sounds crazy, but someone is here to see you!" He exclaimed and I looked up at him surprised. "Who-?"

I heard the door click open again as a tall blonde figure appeared. Shizu-chan. A sudden fear washed over me. Is he finally here to kill me? I'm weak. It's the perfect opportunity. The blonde walked closer to me and shinra gave him a serious look. "Shizuo, don't do anything you'll regret later. I'm not even supposed to let you in here, but I managed to sneak you in." The blonde nodded. "Thanks shinra." And the doctor walked to the door. Wait, he's not leaving me with him, is he? He wants me to die doesn't he? Everyone wants me to die. And the door clicked shut. "Flea." I heard a deep voice say, it almost sounded like he felt bad. I curled into myself, waiting for my pain. "I heard what happened...are you...okay?" He said, and I looked up at him surprised. "Okay..? Okay? I'm only in a insane asylum with a fucking straight jacket on, and I can't even remember why I'm here! Do I look okay to you?" I raised my voice at him. Well, I could only raise it so high. He flinched.

"Listen flea-Izaya, Im..You know, sorry about what happened to you and your family." Sorry? Yeah right. I stared down at the floor as he kept talking. "You know, if you need someone to talk to I'm here..." He scratched his head awkwardly. I ignored him and continue to stare, listening to his words. **He's not here for you. **I flinched and looked up at Shizu-chan in shock, he stared back. My eyes darted around the room as I heard the voice again. **He's going to leave you. To betray you, no one wants to be with you. You're the monster. **I held back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes. **You'll live like this forever. In a white room with a white robe. Pretty soon the doctors will give up on you and forget about you. They'll let you rot in this room forever. **I thought about that statement. Rot here forever? I cringed. I know it will happen some day. I know there's no hope for me. I'm losing it. I flinched as someone touched my bound arm. I saw Shizuos golden eyes staring at me intensely. Then, I said something I thought I'd never say or do.

I cried.

I cried so hard, screaming. My throat already started to hurt as I struggled against the bonds and cried. "Shi-Shizu-chan!" I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me. "You..You'll stay with me, right?" I squeaked as I felt the arms tighten more. Tears blinding my vision. "I don't want to be alone, and I want to remember what happened! No one will tell me! SHIZU-CHAN! Please just stay here with me! You-" I couldn't finish my sentence as more tears and strangled cries burned through my throat. I heard the door burst open as the world vanished.

**MAN THIS IS SO OUT OF CHARACTER. Oh well this is my story. I have no idea where I'm going with this. Please review it makes me happy and give me some ideas for what should happen to izaya in the reviews. Thanks**


	3. Friend, for now

I felt hands all over me, touching every part of my body. I couldn't move away. I screamed and withered as my body was on fire. When I looked up, there was tall blonde haired figure above me, watching. I couldn't see his face. He turned around and started to walk away as I screamed and cried for him to come back, to save me. Why wouldn't he come back? Why wouldn't he help me? Why wouldn't anyone help me? I really am a terrible person.

I woke up hearing murmurs. I forced open my tired eyes, and my vision was blurry. My body was heavy, and my arms weren't bound anymore. "Good morning, izaya. Sorry we had to put you to sleep! We just wanted you to calm down and get a good nights sleep." Shinra sounded happy as usual. I tried to say something but I came out as a mumbled response. I moved my eyes over to see Shizu-chan sitting in a chair next to my bed. Then I remembered what happened last night. My cheeks flushed as I thought of what a idiot I probably looked like. "Izaya." I flinched at his harsh tone.

"Shinra said if you behave well for the next four days he will let me take you outside. Since you've been here for a while I get to take you around the place today. You're lucky he convinced the doctors to let you step foot out of this room." He sounded serious, and I tried to sit up. "Here, ill help." He murmured as he pushed me up into a sitting position. I blinked. "Why..why are you here? Why are you helping me?" He blinked at my random question. "I'm...just trying to help. I don't want to be enemies anymore.." Shizuo looked down, he looked scared. I giggled. "Don't want to be enemies? Who do you think you're talking to? I'm izaya orihara." He smiled sadly at me. "I know."

I got to my feet as shinra helped me up. "Okay, shizuo is going to show you around today. I gave him a tour, so he knows where everything is. Stay on this floor, okay? The other levels are meant for different patients." Me and him nodded in synch. "Well I'm off now, bye bye!" And shinra was Gone. Shizuo started walking as I followed a few steps behind.

"And, this is the lunch room where other patients eat." He mumbled to me. To be honest, I didn't hear a word he said till now. "Did you listen to me?" He gave me a soft glare and I nodded quickly. "Izaya.." He sighed. "Look." He pointed and I followed his finger to the window, I looked out and saw the endless blue sky. I was in such amazement, I haven't seen the sky in a while. "It's nice today." He said. "I wish you could go outside, I would take you for a walk." I nodded. "Yeah... Shizu-chan I'm hungry, get me food!" I exclaimed and he shook his head. "Fine" he put his hands on my shoulders. "Stay here. Please. I don't want you to get in trouble." He growled at me and I nodded.

I sat down on one of the squishy chairs and stared out the window. He won't stay with you. My heart jumped as I heard that familiar voice. "Just leave me alone." I mumbled. You can't run away from me. I stared out the window more intensely, trying to clear my mind. You can't ignore me! YOU CAN'T! I clutched onto my hair, scratching and tugging on it, trying to make the thoughts go away. My head was starting to throb painfully as I Waited for Shizu-chan to come back.

When shizuo came back, about five minutes later I hesitantly bit the food. Tastes like plastic. I wasn't shocked with the way it tasted. Me and shizuo sat next to the window while I ate. "Tastes like plastic." I mumbled. "Well it's hospital food what did you expect?" I nodded at him and pushed the plate away. "I'm full." ... "Full? You had three bites." I nodded at him. "Good job Shizu-chan, you can count!" I clapped as he growled at me. "Shut up flea, you know I can kill you any second I wanted to!" I froze as I heard those words from his mouth. "Kill?" I mumbled. I looked at him scared. The other part of me was begging him to kill me, just to take me out of this cruel world. "Do it." I stated and he looked at me shocked. "Wha-?" "Did I stutter Shizu-chan? If you're so tough then kill me already!" He looked at me in shock, then his face faded into concern. "I won't." He stated.

**Well this chapter WAS SO POINTLESS I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I WROTE THIS. I told u guys idk where I'm going with this poop story.**


	4. Anger

I completely ran out of ideas. I'm trying hard now, lets just see what I come up with. C: ok so some things might be wrong because I never went to a mental asylum. :0 It's raining now so lets go GET PUMPED! okay so I uploaded this and idk why it didn't load. So if it posts 2 times don't get scared

I woke up in my white bed as usual, but shizuo and shinra weren't there. I looked around slowly, taking in my surrounding as if I never saw them before. Everything was so bland. Yuck. I really wanted to go outside. I got up from my bed and sat on the floor, which was sadly more comfortable than that stale bed. Where is shizuo? He said he would always be here? I sighed. I sound like a school girl. I got up and hesitantly put my hand on the door handle, that lead me to the hallway. Locked. Of course. I sighed as I couldn't look through the window of the door, it was too high up. I smirked to myself. There's always a way out, I'm izaya orihara for gods sake! I kicked at the door, it didn't even creak. A fear washed over me. Where is everyone? Have they finally left me here?

I told you. I flinched as I tried to ignore the voice. Izaya. **Give into me. You can't fight it. I nodded hesitantly, my rust colored eyes open wide. They left you. You can't trust anyone in this world, you'll just get hurt. "But..-" Don't speak. You have to get out before they take your power away.** My power away? I'm a god. That's impossible. I kicked at the door several more times, the kicks turning into punches, eventually turning into a full blown tantrum. I stopped thrashing as the door suddenly opened, making me almost fall. "Izaya?" Shizuo questioned. "What's wrong?" Shinra quickly followed In behind him and shut the door. "Izaya," he spoke. "We have your medication." Medication for what? "This is just to make sure you stay calm, and help your body relax. You need to take one a day for now." He shook the bottle. "They're not that big, they're-" I cut him off. "How did you manage to take my power away?" He blinked at my sudden question. "What?" I stepped closer as he took a step back, and shizuo stepped forward. "Tell me. You put me in here, now you expect me to take pills? How did you do this?" I swung my fist at shinra, missing by an inch and kicking and scratching as Shizu-chan pulled me away. "You can't do this me!" I yelled. Shinra looked at me, startled. Shizuo wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug as we slowly sunk to the floor.

"I'm your superior! I WOULD RATHER DIE THEN BECOME AS WEAK AS YOU!" I bellowed as Shizu-chan hugged to me tighter. I let my head sag down to look at the floor. He turned me around, pulling me into another hug as he patted my back. **Come on. You have to try harder then that. Giving up already? Showing emotion? Weak. You're becoming a human. **My eyes widened is realization. I am? "Disgusting..." I mumbled. "Why do you say that, flea?" I didn't answer him. I moved my arms up to grip his shirt, leaning my head on his shoulder.


	5. Sleep

"Here, just take these pills for now." I gave into shinra, holding out my hand and swallowing the pills with water. I looked up at him. "Shinra..when can I go home? Will I ever be able to go home?" I questioned. "Of course you'll be able to go home! Just with someone with you of course!" I groaned. "You mean like a baby sitter?" "Yes, a baby sitter izaya! You'll just be at Shizuos house, and he'll be your babysitter." I flinched. "Shinra, I can be by myself." I glared. "We know izaya, it's just to make sure you're stable. I glared at shizuo who glared back.

When we finally made it back to Shizuo's it was about two o clock. It took us longer then 20 minutes to get there, because I kept clinging to him. He eventually had to carry me on his back half way through the walk, because I couldn't stand to be near all of those people. It scared me. But I wouldn't let Shizu-chan know that, of course. Shizuo opened the door as we made our way inside. "This is Shizu-Chans house? I thought someone like you lived in a cave." I cackled as he glared at me. "Just shut the fuck up and sit down, and don't touch anything." I looked at him. "But if I'm sitting down, I'm still touching something." He growled and picked me up over his shoulder, and slammed me on the couch. "Sit." He glared as he slowly walked away to the refrigerator.

I grabbed the remote from Shizuos table, turning on the tv. He turned around. "Hey, I told you not to touch-" I cut him off. "Well how long do you expect me sit here while you stuff your face with food?" I questioned, and dodged the plate that was hurled at me. Flipping through channels, I finally stopped at one. "Kururi and Mariru Orihara where found dead, one with a gun shot to the head, and the other was raped and beaten. The father and mother where okay." I leaned in closer to the tv. "Izaya orihara was found in the house, he was taken to the hospital and is making a recovery now. We are still trying to find who did this, but we do have a suspect. Shiz-" The reporter was cut off as the channel changed.

I stared at the tv, shocked for a couple seconds as I looked up at Shizu-chan? Who had his finger on the off button on his tv. "Why did you...?" He looked at me, serious. "Shinra said you should to let your memories come back naturally." I looked at him, wide eyed. "You...I could've found out about it!" He simply stares at me. "Well?" I yell. "You don't want me to find out?" I stand up and get closer to his face, challenging him. When we are this close, I realize I only go up to the center of his chest. I wind my arm back, ready to slap him but he catches my hand before I do. "Stop this, flea." Is all he says. I yell at him again. "Fuck you, Shizu-chan!" I scream in his face as I stomp my feet like a child. Hey, I'm frustrated. He grabbed both of my wrists and led me back to the couch, sitting me down. "I'm not a child Shizu-chan." He sighed. "I know that, flea. Now are you hungry?" I blinked at the sudden question. "Sure." I grumbled. "Get me some tuna." He glared at me. "First, don't tell me what to do. Second, Im not as fucking rich as you so I can't afford that. You'll eat what I give you."

This was awkward. Me and shizuo ate at the table, not talking to each other. He ended up making ramen and some grill cheese and I ate it anyway. "So..." I started. "Did shinra give you my cell phone? I need it." He wiped his mouth and looked at me. "Yeah, he did. But I'm not sure if I want to give it to you." I held out my hand to him. "Please, shizuo? I need some form of communication." He sighed. "To who? You where fired." His eyes widened, like he wasn't supposed to tell me. I chuckled. "Shiki wouldn't fire me." He sighed. "Izaya..." I cut him off. "Just give it to me." He handed me my phone, and I opened it to Shikis contact. I smiled to myself as I called him.

"Orihara." He answered. "You're still calling me after what I did?" He questioned. "Hello to you to, Shiki-San. And what are you talking about?" I heard him move through the phone. "You don't remember?" I shook my head. "No." I heard someone laugh on the other side of the phone. "Then why don't you come over? I heard you're healing now so it should be fine." I released a shaky breath. "Um.. I don't know-" "Or maybe you can wait until you get your memories back." He chuckled. "Uh...yeah, but Shiki-San why did you fire me?" I questioned as the phone was taken away from me and was Shut off. I looked up at shizuo again. "You weren't supposed to talk to him, idiot." He glared. "Why? What did he do-" He looked away from me. "It's already late, lets go to bed. I followed him as he made a bed for me on the couch. "I want the bed." He put two pillows on the couch for me. "Too bad. You're not sleeping with me, flea."

Twenty minutes later, I was still staring up at the Celling. The room was pitch black as I heard the little creaks and taps of Shizuos house. **Mmmhm, he doesn't want you to know**. "Know what?" I asked the voice. That he is the one that did this to you. I glared at nothing. "He didn't do this. He wouldn't be helping me if he-" **Oh really? He's letting** **you get your guard down. Kill him.** "I won't.." Tears welled up in my eyes as I stood up, feeling around. I made my way into Shizuos room. I looked down at the sleeping blonde as I lightly tapped his shoulder. I whispered. "Shizu-chan." He didn't wake up. "Shizu-chan!" Nothing. "SHIZU-CHAN!" He flinched as he woke up, running his hands through his hair. I cleared my throat. "Can I..sleep with you?" He glared at me. "No." More tears threatened to fall from my eyes as I dared to ask again. "Please?" He sighed. "Fine but if you snore I'm kicking you off. I smiled as I got into the bed with him.

"Good night, honey."

"Shut up flea."


	6. Confessions

**Okay so this isn't really how I wanted the story to go, I wanted to make it longer until this part but I couldn't think of what to do. Sorry I'm uploading so fast ill probably right another chapter sometime tonight because i stayed home from school today and I'm bored.**

I woke up suddenly. I only slept a couple of hours with the nightmares filling my mind. Shizuo was still sleeping, so I made my way to the kitchen. I should try and make shizuo some breakfast. I laid out two plates for us and make some waffles. Hey, i wasn't going for anything fancy.

Ten minutes later when he got up, I looked up as I saw him walk over with a surprised look on his face. "You...made breakest?" I looked at him with a smirk. "No, the breakfast fairy made it." He glared. "Shut the fuck up and eat." I gave in and continued eating. "So...Shizuo, you were all over me last night." He looked at me with a blush as he put our plates away. "I was not!" I chuckled. "Yeah. You were hugging me like I was your girlfriend or something!" I chuckled more as he tried to wipe the blush off his face. "If you're done making fun of me, shinra is coming over today to check up on you." I sighed. "I don't need to be checked on." He glared at me but said nothing. "Oh wait!" I exclaimed. "I have to go to Shikis tonight, so I think we have to reschedule."

"WHAT?" He hollered at me suddenly which made me flinch. "You're not going there, flea!" I glared at him. "You can't tell me what to do shizuo!" He stood up from his chair. "Yes I can, I'm watching you. So you have to listen to me you fucking lunatic! I'm so glad I-" He cut himself short as I stared at him. "You what, Shizu-chan?" He walked over to the sink and mumbled a, "Nothing."

- Time skip -

"Hello izaya." Shinra stepped through the door with his medical bag. "I'm just checking how you're doing!" He said as he grabbed my arm and started examining all over my body. "Have you taken your pill for today?" He questioned. "Uh..no I forgot. He looked at shizuo and nodded at him, telling him to get me my pill. "So, shinra. You're not going to tell me what happened to me? You're going to let me live in confusion forever?" I asked. He looked at me with a confused expression. "No izaya I just don't want to overwhelm you.-" I grabbed onto his arm and looked at him with pain filled eyes. "Please...just tell me something." Shinra sighed and sat down when shizuo came in. "Shizuo, I'm going to tell izaya now. He has the right to know. Shizuo put the glass down and gave shinra a worried expression. "Shinra, if you do I swear to god ill kill you." Shinra, not looking fazed, said," Then you tell him."

Shizuo looked at me to shinra. Then, I heard shizuo say the worst thing i ever heard in my whole life.

"I...It's my fault this happened izaya, it's my fault your sisters got killed."


End file.
